Something is going to happen after dinner. Echo("I just don't what you to feel offended");

I don't know it's a good thing, or bad thing. But I know I'm glad I approached both of them. She said ("Don't tell me now, after dinner I want to have a long talk with you. I have been thinking a long time and have been wanting to have this talk for you for a long time.") Now, I'm very glad that I brought up the topic and not having them to tell me.

I have a rough idea on what’s going to happen. I have to think what to say. ...Or should it be an impromptu thing? I'm afraid I'll say the wrong things and make them lose their confidence in me. It took me so much effort and time to win their confidence, to make them trust me, to prove to them I'm not weak, to prove to them I am not as lame as they thought I was, not an under achiever, to prove to them I can be someone whom they can be proud of. I can't lose all of that. But I don't want to lose what I have gained through losing what I have lost either.

I need them to know that I’m not them. I’m not him, and I’m not her. I can’t be all that they want me to be. I’m different. I think differently. I want slightly different things in life. I’m still young, I’ll never know? …I know that. But let me decide. I have a mind of my own. I may be too young, but I do think seriously. I know I’m no body to judge myself but I think I’m mature enough to say “I know what I want”. I know what I’m heading into. I know what future I want. But I don’t tell them. …why? I don’t what to listen to known insults that will make me feel degraded, insults I know that are just too much, and insults that lowers my esteem.

I don’t know where the conversation will lead to, but I don't wish the conversation to be ended as an argument. I don't wish to cry during the conversation. I can't cry. I don't want to be label as weak. I have to say the right things and fight for myself and not be interpreted as a fool, or like she would say, "silly". But what is right and what is wrong? If she dislikes me everything will be wrong. Her ego won’t help in the conversations either.

I just can’t take the stress anymore. I don’t know if I will be able to keep my cool during the conversation. …But I know I have to say calm. I have to think clearly before blabling things out. I can’t be emotionally unstable. I have to apply all my physiological knowledge that I have observed and apply them.

I have to be an adult.