I'm a selfish little thing.

I'm going through the 'I'm so bored of life' stage again. I'm so sick of the LRT, I'm so sick of work. I'm so sick of going out, I'm so sick of being broke. I'm so sick of being nice, I'm so sick of being patient. I miss myself. Being in a past serious relationship really made me realise that I miss being alone..... really alone.

I don't know if it's normal to feel this way, but it's normal for me. There are times I just don't want to be disturbed, for days, for weeks, maybe even months. I just want to shut the whole of my world out and let the unknown world come in. During these alone days, I usually find out a lot about myself. I learn things myself, and I cherish these time alone loving myself. Sometimes people ask me, "Why do you want to be alone?" I can't really answer you, except I can just tell you I just enjoy being with myself.

During this period, I don't know why, but I get annoyed very quickly. I won't like getting phone calls. I don't like full-duplex communication. During this alone time period, I think I'm usually quiet, usually just like to listen than talk. But I guess it's like that because that is how I get my focus.

I don't know if I lose my friends during this period. I know Jin, Jun Kun, Zhong and Ying will always be there. It's like no matter how many days, weeks, months or years separates us, they will still be as important to me always....but at times I wonder... how long will it last? And is it a vice versa thing? But the answers to this two questions I don't want to know, at least not yet. But its not my good friends that I'll lose, I think its all the other high maintenance friends. ...High maintenance, low maintenance...it's very bad of me to categorise my friend.

Some ask , "Don't I feel ALONE when you are alone?" That's the point of being alone right? Sometimes I feel chaotic, restless, blurred with to much company. It's like a mix fruit punch, but all I need is a banana smootie. So... I'm going to drink banana smootie the whole month.

I'm sorry if i got cold and bitchy towards some of you all. I hate being the way I am, but I just need to be alone. I don't want to snap at you, so my advice is to let me be la ok. It's not that I'm sick or anything (...wait I am sick, I'm sick of life itself), and it's not like I have a problem and going to kill myself. (You know I love myself too much to do that) So don't worry. I’ve done this before. I just want to Just Be, if you get what I mean.

So I'm going to love myself this month. I’m going to do what I want to do this month. But more importantly, do it with myself. I'm going to be anti-social. I'll be unreachable until I decide to be reachable. Yes, selfish little thing... that's me.

...the only place reachable is my blog.