Bitch with a major attitude problem

Disclaimer: I’m a bitch with a major attitude problem today. Please don’t read on if you can’t handle bitch talk today. Readers who are\feel they are sensitive or having PMS, please be advised to discontinue reading this post.

Every time I get my hands on blogger, ready to make my entry, something will surely come up. *sign* I'm going to (or at least try) make a long entry today to make up for my blogging backlog...LOL! Have so much in my mind lately.

Work is good but not so good. I'm getting used to the long hours and the workload already. I used to complain a lot but I think I'm like ("Oh work ah? Ok bring it on); I was even crazy enough to be at work at 7am yesterday to listen to a conference call from Canada that have little relevance to my work. I was trying hard to keep myself awake through out the conference that lasted till 11.30am. About 22 of us there (some of other teams) so falling asleep during that moment would be really bad.

Life out of work is 70% about work still. Have been hanging out with colleagues a lot, out of work lately. Even if I'm not meeting up colleagues, I would be meeting friends about work. I'm just wondering, in 10 year’s time, we all might be meeting up to talk about family and children. LOL!

But don't know la. Work has changed me a lot, changed me so much that it scares me. Is this even normal? It's like when something hits you in the brain and makes you snap, and then things begins to change so horrendously fast until it affects people around you. That happened to me.

I more bitchy because of work too. Or maybe because it easier to blame is on work? Sorry guys, but if you didn't already notice, I'm not as patient as I used to. I get irritated/pissed/annoyed really really quick. I don't talk anymore. Talking (even on emails) takes up too much brain power. All I want to do is stay mute…shut up…be dumb, be a wall that bounces no echo. I don’t feel like I want to ‘ying chow’ anymore. Sometimes when I feel ‘sick’ … I really just want to say (“Eh can you f*** off for a minute. When I’m better I’ll call you”); … bad huh?

Sometimes I think I'm so selfish being the way I am right now. I snapped numerous times on numerous people. No it was not PMS, I don't believe in that remember. I didn't want to be that kind of moody bitch but I guess I am one right now. I'm trying not to be one right now but when the volcano erupts, there's no stopping it. I guess I'm just so sick of helping others, caring about others, putting up a face for others when in fact I have bigger problems myself. I just want to help myself first then help others. Have been neglecting myself way wayyy too long.

Maybe that's not the only reason that made me irritated/pissed/annoyed. ...Being the old socks really sucks. Maybe I just don't want to be the old pair of socks anymore. I hate being used this way. ^&%#&*%

A gentle reminder to all that I’m still sane and still mentally OK. I will not answer to any sms, emails, calls and etc regarding the above. I need a place to rant and my blog is where I’ll do it, not your ears. If I need comments or help from you I will not hesitate to ask. So don’t need to be nice and check on me la ok. I mean it. No hard feelings, but I will hang up on who ever that rings me and ask (“eh you OK ah?”);

…I’m such a bitch… but dang… feels good to be one.

Oh and before I forget, Daryan gave me a tour of the data center on Thursday. Hohoho syok sial! I never imagined a server room to be so clean and tidy and so bright! Picture examples always show such rooms as dull looking with cables running all other the walls and ceiling. But the room was nothing like that. Looks kind of like a geek's heaven...very white.

The room's flooring was raised (like all server rooms) to minimise static and to let cables run under them. It was really cool in the room, but once I started walking between the server racks where all the servers, routers, switches were stacked, I felt the heat that was generated by all that plastic and silicon. Saw some of familiar servers (I often review their logs) there too. Also saw the PABX system (Private Automatic Branch Exchange) and the cablings.... impressive stuff man.

Ahhh and I also finally saw the ESM automated system. I have always been very curious what and how ESM works\looks like because I have always come across of issues on ESM during my log review. Back when I was in APIIT, Mr Mohan did mention about this system before. The system actually catches the failed hardware\network\etc problem and automatically cuts a problem tickets (the problem ticket is an electronic documentation that states what problem occurred). And the ESM system actually pages\calls the on-call techie. So techies don't only get calls from the Action Desk... they do get calls from the computer too! So kids, pay attention in lectures and 7am conference calls because you'll never know interesting facts like this anywhere else ;P

Ok, and last but not least, I really recommend this to techie's out there who wants to be updated on techie issues but have no time to do so. Just download and listen while you work. Neat stuff. It's like listening to a magazine. I don't fancy Leo when is was hosting Call For Help, but this I like. ...hm...I wonder hows Chris is doing...hm...

Check systm and broken out too...but this two are hanging now...but interesting stuff also lah.