Seeing someone suffer is very very painful

So actually my copy of Ubuntu came... but I didn't have time to install\run it yet. I didn’t have the mood to do it too… I was at my mom's home town for the weekend.

My grandma's mother (that's my great grandma) pass away a few days before the Chinese New Year..... and now a few days into the Chinese New Year, my grandpa's mother is very ill. Sitting with her for 2 days scared me a little.

She's 93, very healthy mind but sadly her heart is weakening. For the 2 days I was visiting her, I saw what her medication can, and cannot do to her... and that really freaked me out.

On Saturday everyone thought that it was her time to leave. She was really having a hard time breathing. I can really see her suffering through her facial expression. She was trying to say something, but words will not come out... Not because she can't speak, but because the pain was excruciating, and I believe she can't breath.

There was a point when she just like stone on her bed. The only life from her was the sound of heavy breathing and her chest expanding and contracting. A few times she stopped breathing... I freaked out. ... but her heart was still beating. Her hands would usually be held by one of us who would be sitting at her bed side, and she would usually hold it. But there were many time where she have no energy for anything... not even in her fingers to hold a hand.

She told us, "I'm so tired, and my legs were aching". My great grandma is one of the very few old people who do not have 'foong sap'. Her legs were aching from "I have walked a long way. I'm so tired, and my legs were aching, but they won't let me cross". I freaked again. ....but helped massage her legs.

Things were a little different when the doctor prescribed drugs takes effect. She was healthy enough for a bath and a ride around town! My mom was really surprised of the change in her health... and I was as surprised as her too.

Most of my relatives took the time and effort to come back and visit her. ...but some just said they would only come back to pay their last respect. But what's the point of seeing my great grandma when she left us? Don't they want to she her alive.. don't they want my great grandma to see them before she leaves?

My great grandma when in better health is a very cute person actually. There was this on time after tea on Saturday where she still had energy to sit up in her bed. My mom, sis, and two of my great grandma's daughter was with her. She looked at each one of us and suddenly gave a really big smile! She was smiling away leave us wondering what was happening. She finally found words and said "You know what, you are all so pretty". HAHAHAHA...isn't she cute?? hehehe.

Seriously speaking, I'm not close with my great grandma at all for all these years. I would only visit her once in a while and every year during Chinese New Year. I'm glad that I was with her when she is ill right now because there are a few things which she made me realize about her, and my life.

Seeing someone suffer is very very painful.

Ah Tai, sit down if you are tired. Take a rest and then walk home. Give up if they won't let you cross. It's not your time to cross yet.