Tuesday, October 31, 2006

lat ta li lat ta lit tam pom

Actually... can someone really change?

Till today I still can't answer some questions. It's difficult, because I can't put an answer to feelings. The clock will soon stop ticking, what will happen next? Maybe deep inside I'm just waiting for it to die so I can move on. Why am I so committed to the clock? Sometimes I think I'm so stupid and too naive to actually hope that things will be different.

Nostalgic feeling and confusion again today. But the traffic jam and good down to earth conversation really helps. I wished we were stuck in the car longer.

I guess it's the memory I miss. The good old times. The "those were the days". I feel gay when I talk about it. It's so sad that you have all the ingredients, but you broke your pot.

I still wonder about it actually, but still disappointment eventually. I guess that what you get when you set too high of a standard. But sometimes its not meeting the target, not about meeting the goal. It's the process of meeting it, the learning, the determination. So so sad to you give up. So so sad to listen to your excuses.

So I guess it's always best to tell me the truth out front. Really hate finding it out myself.

Felt guilty to others. Sorry that you bunch have to put up with me. Especially the you few that I think I was being so selfish and self centered. But it was me, the sorrow… the alcohol made it worst. Sorry I didn’t think of your feelings.

Honestly *sign* ... a pinch of hope maybe? …Am I kidding myself? One more month won't kill. I've already gone through the whole process. It's just one more month then I can untie the ribbon.

*feelingsss…oh ohhhh feelings, what about my feelings… feelings of hate* ….LOL ok so crappy ending, but I still love this Off Spring song. Totally no relations to my post but the tune is just so feelinggssss ….

Monday, October 30, 2006

But grey is the color

Hmmm so how do I know? It's so hard reading someone's mind especially when you need to focus on the road.

Somehow today, at that time, feels so nostalgic. Along the Federal Hiway, at the hour when all the jam starts. I could have taken the fast lane but I was too engrossed in the conversation, I was afraid I couldn't focus. Plus it would prolong the journey and conversation if I just stuck at 60km/j ...HEH heheheh ;P But hor, I wasn't the only fox lor.

But grey is the color. Got a feeling I'm getting myself stuck with plans other people made for me. A boring and most probably forcing myself to smile kind of thing. *cross fingers* I hope it's not la. Pleaseee pleasssse don’t let it happen.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Random blabbing again

Random blabbing again.

Reading 1#his, 2#his, and 3#his blog reminded me of working during the DeepaRaya holidays, office politics and ...my birthday!!

1# I know I couldn't get much out of it but I thought I'll just try. No harm in trying anyway right? But as "expected" (say it with your arms akimbo, wear your geeky glasses and without opening your mouth too much...ahahah the Ron Kaufman style) la didn't get much out of it but.. little better than nothing.

Oh yahh and did I mention I was denied parking space when I wanted to park my car at my company's parking space on a Sunday evening during the holidays? I didn't say this to the UNCLE GUARD at that time but I'm going to vent it here. "You BODOH kar, you think I'm back at office at 7pm on a holiday weekend for fun? I'm here for work and it's an emergency. Only 2% of the car park space is used up.. why can't your bloody let me in? Who cares if your boss is around, who cares I don't have a parking sticker. If my problem don't get solved, the company WILL LOSE MONEY!" I didn't have time to piss him off so I reversed and almost slamming my car into another car that was entering the space. I ended up parking at the road side. "Safety first" MY ASS. I worked until the AMs and scary to say that I had to walk to the road side to get my car. "Safety first" MY ASS!!!

I'm so so disappointed at the guard who was on duty that time. Old uncle, I remember your face... I'll haunt you don't worry. I'm evil yes, but that's only you pissed me off at a really bad time. ...It's a week now and I still feel fired up on this issue.

I hope the management and my boss take this seriously and do something about this. People who come back for work should be let in with or without parking stickers. It's just stupid if I had to go back to work at 3am on any day and be denied of parking just because I don't have a parking sticker. Where's the logic to that? You expect someone (and especially I'm female, I can't defend myself as strongly as men) to park a few 100 meters away at 3am where there's parking 5 steps away.

Oh, and I wasn't the only one who parked at the road side. There were cars parked along the road side, one which belongs to a colleague who ended up in the office too. I bet the guard was sneezing a lot because my colleague and I were complaining all night about him.

2# I always thought that I'm not capable enough of doing things myself when it comes to work. I really dislike depending on people because that gives them a change to screw you up. Office politics? All I can say is you have got to save your own ass cos everyone is too faced. Still can't believe I'm taking all his shit for him.

I realized I'm not that useless and dumb after a conversation with my colleague recently. He pointed out a few things that I didn't take into account before. Things like "You can't compare yourself with someone who has year++ of experience and certifications. You came in blur and fresh." Now that the sentence sunk in, of course. But hor… I’m not blur and fresh anymore you know.

Am I giving myself too much pressure? I don't know man. I don't know where I stand. I just feel so small and tiny and insignificant. I don't feel secured within myself.

Sometimes its just so hard to be heard. Especially when you have "negative elements" that steals your light or shower your with needles. Heh... I guess it will always be like that.

3# Ok. My birthday is not really nearing, but I'm more excited this year. Last year was *boo hoo* year for me. I didn't even have the mood to celebrate. Actually this year too but I'm so sick of being a crying baby party pooper. I want a HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

What's on my wish list?
1. A air\sound\coffee filter to filter all that bull shit back stabbing filthy disgrace to the human kind people out of my life. Ok la, I was over exaggerating. No one can give me this, I have to give it to myself. I have to learn to ignore more, close an eye, burst an eardrum. I'm taking in way too much responsibly... I have to learn not to be over guilty conscious. It's not within my hands... it's not within my hands.

2... Hm I don't have a wish list yet actually... hm.. got to work on that. But don't worry, I'll email you all then I have it, so no excuse for not getting me something ;P

I want to have a party this year!! But I have no idea what sort. Day outing party? Whole day of lepaking, movie, or maybe get everyone for white river rafting!! But then again that's not everyone's cup of coffee. Dinner party? BBQ, buffet, fine dinning, japaneseeeee, laid back house boozing party. Night party? Clubbing, pubbing... getting old for that HAHAHAHHA. Big scale? Small scale?

Womannn I need your help to plannnnn.

Hm.. maybe you all can just come over. I'll cook. Whahahaha, toilets are open ;P

Friday, October 27, 2006

remember your sponsors


When you are fire fighting on the football field....


suddenly......Goal!


Do remember your sponsors ;P

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Unexpected

Cried like shit. But needed it.

Thank you woman.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Selamat Hari Raya all!

Selamat Hari Raya all!

Just a short one cos I need to get back to work. Can you believe it.. one HBI and one MBI!!! I'm sure in "luck"!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Sean's wife



Sean, if your other wives find out about this, you will be in deep shit. Better go play with her before anything happens ;p HAHAHAHA!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

To be cont'...

While 70% of the Malaysian population is relaxing at home, or on the road baliking kampung, or carrying a kavadi and prying at Batu Caves (...that one is Thaipusum or Deepavalli ah? heheh dah lupa) ... yours truly is at the office cubicle listening to Daniel Bedingfield Neonnn neonnn.

Before I continue complaining.. let me just wish all my Indian friends Happy Deepavalli!

No la, I'm in the mood to bli bli bla bla today. I just fell like talking today. But I have no idea what. I guess this will be a long boring post because I'm just going to type whatever that comes to mind while I'm here. Hm.... going of for lunch now.

[1.11pm]To be cont'...

Hmm I suddenly feel like play Sims. I'm listening to Diana Krall now, Let's Fall In Love. It gave me this happy Brady bunch family feel. Running down to the data center. Be be back later.

[1.52pm]To be cont'...

Why am I even in the office?? ... heh I just remembered. I can't access from home because my modem is kind of cacated lately. I can't seem to get online. I can't work with dial up!

I feel like getting a wireless router. Then a laptop. So I can do all my geeking up in my own room. I wonder if the signals will be strong enough. Dad have been complaining lately that the bills. New more expensive charges for water, sister always using the air conditioning in the afternoons, 2 leased telephone lines, mortgage for the new house, taxes here, insurance there.

....I get the hint already Dad.

Planning to cut one of the lease line. Move my broadband to the main line. Maybe buy a power generator to generate electricity for my PC...HAHAHA!

[2.20pm]To be cont'...

Ahhhh I can head home now. Change have been completed. But tomorrow another one. Sunday man... sial. Thank god I don't have to dial in at 5am in the morning. But reminder to self, Sunday 2.45pm dial in, don't let them wait.

Better go now. Sky looks dark man.

[3.01pm]To be cont'...

Thursday, October 19, 2006

rahhh rahhh rahh







If only the floor was real. How I wish certain ppl will fall in.... *evil* muahahaha.

Busy like a bee at work right now. Busy and absorbing all the bad luck =( While the company is officially on holiday starting tomorrow to next Wednesday, I will have to work from home and be on-call!!! There goes my holiday. Colleagues that are holidaying have already assigned me their work to be completed. Sarks mannnn.

Folks from other countries are coincidently carrying out changes and test that I would be involved. Waking up at 5am on a holiday weekend really isn't fun.... isn't fun for any weekend. I want a higher allowance! Who is going to give me my 6 days of holiday?

I just hope I don't have to come back to the office.... get the minimal amount of calls during the holidays.

Sorry la, all ramblings and stuff again. I need to melepas geram some where. Too much feelingss oh oh ouhhh feelings stuck in me that I have to bite someone's flesh off to mereda. Rahhh rahh rahhhh I need a gila monster as a pet to scare off all my pembuli-pembuli.

People still think I'm duh. I don't think I am already so blardy helll stop talking to me like a kid! * you if your goal is to belittle me. Do it la brader, be the negative kiasu person la. I can tell you that I will be the giant that will step over you next time. I'm sick of taking the blame if YOUR mistakes. Damn you la. I should stop being so nice. ARGHHGHGHGHGHGHG.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Congrads SY!

Super busy as usual. I think I have to quit gym for now. Got to sell off my personal trainning sessions too. Gym is not helping me at all actually. I'm still gradually gainning a lot of unwanted fat. ...*I wonder why HAHAHHAHA*

Work have been busy as usual. Still in the infant stage.... heh victim but too bad for me la.

Cous wedding tomorrow! I attended the "comb hair" session today. First time seeing it all done actually. Red mirror, green and red tread, eating the tong yuin and her dad combing her hair. And a RM200 manicure!

Going to be a long day tomorrow and worst on Sunday. My home is going to be busier and noisier than the zoo!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Day 5: Goodbye Siem Reap

The last post for my Siem Reap trip. ...Honestly.. I think I'm getting bored with typing all this. You have just got to go there for yourself to soak in the atmosphere and to really enjoy or hate what I am saying. I'm leaving you with a few interesting things I noticed about Siem Reap.


Sundry shops in Siem Reap sells petrol.


But they do have large petrol stations there too. Quite a few of them actually for a small town.


You can find many roadside movable food stalls everywhere in Siem Reap. One example is this French bread ham sandwich stall.


The oven at the bottom compartment of the stall is used to keep the French bread warm .


Taste really good Yum!


Many vehicle is without number plates! From cars to vans to lorries. Only the really rich can afford cars. Those without will be on motorbikes, or carpool like in the picture.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Day 4: Food heaven

Most of this day was spend shopping, bargaining and eating. Now that's life. HAHAHAHA! We spent most of our time shopping in the Old Market.


Saw this cart filled with coal. A lot of Cambodian folks still use coal as burring fuel.

We walked a few rounds to do our surveys. We actually wrote down a list of things to get in the Old Market to make sure our targets and shopping goals were met. LOL!

My first stop was the jewelry and gem section. I think me and LF spent most of our time here looking at jewelry and bargaining. I sucked at bargaining and didn't get a good price for my jewelries. Try to bargain at a ridicules low price, especially if you are the first customer as they have this thing called "Morning customer". They usually will want you to buy from them if you are their first customer. It's a luck thing. But sometimes they can bullshit you. You might not be their Morning customer.

The first stall I bought from didn't really give me a good price. She wasn't being honest too. If I'm there again, I will not be back at her shop #448 again. I regretted paying them so much when I got a better price after that from the girls below.


I got to know later from my mom that she bought most of her cheap jewelry from them. Their stalls are located at the entrance of the jewelry section of the Old Market from the door facing the road.

The girl that mans the stall on the right is Salinda (the girl standing on the left), I bought my mom's ring from Julie aka Sok Navy, the other girl on the right, manning the stall on the left of the entrance (Shop #418).


From all the bargaining, the mouth can get a bit fry, so this green stuff really quench my thirst. This green bean pandan juice looks disgusting at first but I think I was like "Don't care la, have to try" So I just downed the drink without thinking further. DAMNNNNN NICEEEE!

The rest of the day was really just shopping and eating. More food review at Eat First Think Later.

We left Old Market with heavy backpacks and hand full of heavy plastic bags of goods and food.

We went to a massage parlor near the old market and pub street area after that. We paid for an 2 hour massage but actually really only got 1 hour and 15 minute worth of massage. Me and LF didn’t really enjoy the massage too. My whole body ended up oily and the twisting of my body action really scares me.


We took a walk around bar street at decide on dinner but ended up at the road side stalls to have a more original taste of food.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Day 3: Relaxing at Siem Reap

Note: This is a map of the Siem Reap town and map of Angkor temples area for easier reference of the places I'm talking about.


Too early for worms?

After breakfast we went round town but mainly ended up in the most exciting place in Siem Reap, the Old Market. Yup, found the worms there.


All the pamelo are sold like this in the market.


Vegetables are sold from day to night.


The famous french bread that everyone talks about when visiting Siem Reap.


A lot of stall sells dried meat. From chicken, pork, beef to fish. A lot of their own marinated meat too.


Dried marinated salted fish I think.


Plenty of local sauces.


Grade A++ rice! You don't get good rice like this in Malaysia. I personally checked out their pulut and I tell you, it's all pulut. The ones sold in Malaysia are all pulut mixed with cheap rice to cheat people.


The butchery section. Can u see the snout?


Both of this noodles are really good!


Jem stones.... cheap cheap cheap.... if only I knew the bargaining tactics.


Statues, some really not worth buying.


Survinors. Lots of silk scarves. I saw a few stalls selling Thai stuff... and even Malaysian batik sarung. That's only to cheat the ang mo's.

After lunch at the Old Market, we walked back to the guest house to freshen up and waited for Vicheka.


First stop for the day was Wat Damnak. Nothing interesting at this Wat. There was a school as usualy beside the Wat and I noticed that this Wat is slightly richer compared to the rest. It has a quite nice meditating area for the monks.


We headed to an even richer looking Wat. Wat Preah Prom Rath.


Saw a lot of "rich" homes for the head. The small pagodas located at the sides of the Wat are actually burial ground. Urns of ashes are actually buried into these pagodas. Some of the pagodas weren't sealed but with a door opening. I'm guess when the next person from the family dies, the urn is removed and a new urn of ash is buried.


The next and last local Wat we went to was the famous Wat Bo. It's located quite inside the kampong area.


Next stop was Phsar Samaki. I was planning to buy local tidbits here as I heard this market sold more of those compared to the Old Market. Sadly, most of the stall were closed on the weekends, and those that were open sold vegetables. Even so, most of them have already close shop and started gambling!


Since it was still very early, Vicheka suggest we can go to the war museum. I wanted him to bring us to Mr.Akira's place. He also collects landmines and all but Vicheka said the road is all flooded up and bla bla bla... aiyor, War Museum gives him commission. Enough said.

You will need to pay USD3 to enter. There will be people at the entrance to give you a free guide and explain all the weapons and the landmines to you. Most of them are ex-soldiers or people who got hurt by these weapons before.


Anti air craft flank to blast planes during the USSR.


Bouncing bomb. These bombs are like those we see in the olden Vietnam war movies. They can blast the whole body into smithereens and hurt everyone in 15 meters radius.


Bombs.

The war museum was actually ok... but many of their weapons and stuff there are like scrap metal. I still found it ok but many reviews from the U.S said this place is juts not worth going. I believe this is because war museums in the develop countries are much better.


We left the war museum and headed to the Royal Palace at the Route to see Cher Reng'.


Cher Reng' aka bats! They are fruit bats that fly off when night comes and returns before run rise. We waited for quite sometime for them to take off...


While waiting, we went across the road to see Preah Ang Chek Preah Ang Chorm shrine.


The shrine was really busy with a lot of locals purchasing lotus flowers and stuff for prayers from the stalls outside the shrine.

We got really bored waiting for the bats to fly off... but got lucky with I saw this moving stall on the other side of the Royal Independence Garden.


Roti canai! The Cambodian style.

We gave up waiting after 1 hour and 30 minutes later and headed to the only fast food outlet we saw. Express food at the Express oil service station. We ask Vicheka to drop us there and told him we will go back to the guest house ourselves. We picked up beer at Max Mart again on the way back. Good way to reduce the heatiness of the body ma ;P